First half showed some promise, if some seemingly improbable, situations. Take a superman, make him cynical, and see where it goes. But some time after the climactic bank heist in the middle (that's right), the film took a big dump. I'd make a review, but all the shaky camera work makes me dizzy. The characters were underdeveloped and contrived, the plot didn't push the envelope as far as how well you could make a film about a superman who really fits more into the anti-hero mold, and there really wasn't a nemesis that was worthy of Hancock's powers. Sure, there was the bank thief who lost his hand on account of Hancock, but there's not much there. Take a look at all the superheros, and they have equally matched villains: Superman has his Doomsday, Batman has his Bane, the Incredible Hulk has his Abomination. Hancock, by comparison, has a one-armed bank thief who manages to beat him with a fire extinguisher or some nonsense.
The lighting was forced or bland, the camera work neither grasped the notion of Blair Witchiness nor use of a tripod/Steadicam (C) rig, the acting either lacked the faith of the actors or was asking me to jump through the screen and slap the guy silly for being silly in his approach the PR character, and a fight that could have been great, but was poorly done because of the wrong reasons. Why people loved this movie is beyond me, I preferred watching The Dark Knight. Hell, even Space Chimps seemed more interesting, and it was a CGI children's film.
I know this review seems a bit forced, but that's only because it's a reflection of the film. Give me a film made of stool, I present stool. Give me a film made of pure awesomesauce, and my reviews will be awesomesauce, with bread pudding and whiskey sauce. Of course, I might just purchase this film if it came packaged with the official release of "The Wizard of Speed and Time", which is the only way to buy the latter film is with Hancock. And punch and pie.
Oh, well. There's always Sesame Street Presents Follow that Bird.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Guns N' Roses full of hype
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "Seventeen years to produce THIS! But it's not ready yet!" I am, of course, referring to latest release of new material by the once mighty band, and I've got to say that I suspect that the only one who believes that it could live up to the hype is GN'R front man Axl Rose (more like Chubby Magoo and a bunch of guys who aren't Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven, amirite?).
And I'm not making this up, either. I've pulled it from an online source, Yahoo. Here it is: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/chart_watch/22500/week-ending-nov-30-2008-wests-numbers-head-south/
So, you can decide for yourself and see that I'm not just pulling crap out of my ass, either. There are other, older bands that have done better. They've done better because they've learned to pull together, if only for the paycheck at the end. And, let's not forget, they never let a thing like sociopathic egotism get in the way of making a good album. There's nothing wrong with making a good album. It's promising to make an album consisting of the greatest songs in the world, and failing to even give us tributes, that will leave those who believed in you burned and reaching for the Preparation H.
Most anticipated album in the history of rock, my ass!
And I'm not making this up, either. I've pulled it from an online source, Yahoo. Here it is: http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/chart_watch/22500/week-ending-nov-30-2008-wests-numbers-head-south/
So, you can decide for yourself and see that I'm not just pulling crap out of my ass, either. There are other, older bands that have done better. They've done better because they've learned to pull together, if only for the paycheck at the end. And, let's not forget, they never let a thing like sociopathic egotism get in the way of making a good album. There's nothing wrong with making a good album. It's promising to make an album consisting of the greatest songs in the world, and failing to even give us tributes, that will leave those who believed in you burned and reaching for the Preparation H.
Most anticipated album in the history of rock, my ass!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
A Chinese Democracy Review
Normally, I'd be uploading a submission in regards to my review on Guns N' Roses latest (and I use that term loosely, since their last latest release was a cover album released some fourteen years ago. And Gn'R has used that time to make what the stand-up at Best Buy has claimed to be the most anticipated album in rock history.
To which I say, "Fourteen years for THIS? But it's not ready yet!" The big reason why the earlier albums were so great, in terms of awesomeness and selling so many albums, is that it involved everyone originally in the band. You know who I mean. Axl, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and both drummers, Steven Adler and Matt Sorum, both serving at different times. But, unfortunately for all of us, including the members that were forced out, Axl got it into is twisted, bloated head that the band was just about him.
Don't get me wrong. I know their reputation. When the band got together, trouble tagged along. When trouble took over, and the band didn't perform, riots happened like you would not believe. But when that trouble actually got the band to perform, they were awesome.
How the great Axl Rose has fallen. And he didn't even need a shove to do it. A light breeze was suffice. And that light breeze has come to us, the masses, in the form of A Chinese Democracy. It's easy easy for him to fall, with that big bloated head of his, too.
One song that stuck out, and not in a good way, is "Better". Pretty tart, really. But I'm thinking of the ending of the song, where it sounds like someone accidentally bumped the gain knob, and we are treated t the sounds of some kind of static accompanying the music and vocals. And most of the songs can be categorized as either being mediocre at best, or basically forgettable. If you listen to the album as a whole, you get a sort of schizophrenic feeling to it (apologies to schizos, for comparing you to this mess of an album and a man). And much of the music feels old and dated. Perhaps, I dare, more appropriate for a slightly different set of contemporaries that Axl was trying to sell the music to. And what's with the Spanish guitar?
Sounds incomplete for some reason. Like Rose has put in his part of the music, expecting the same product as previous albums. Then again, much of the talent that was the original band was kicked out, with the name having legally remained to Axl. I know there's Buckethead, who is great in his own right, some guy named Bumblefoot, and a few others, but Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven they do not make.
Then there's the issue of Axl's voice. It's not as high-pitched as it used to be. I suppose that all those years of singing, screaming, boozing, and smoking have deteriorated it. I know the original band produced some pretty awesome songs in the past that, if you recite one verse, the next person will feel compelled to sing the next verse. But it's time to face the facts: You spent so many years trying to create your masterpiece, that the rest of the world has picked up and moved on. I could, perhaps, believe that if A Chinese Democracy had been released circa 1997-1998, and possibly as late as 1999, then maybe we, the rest of the world, would have accepted it and said, "That's it, this is your last album. It's been a good run. Next!"
But we moved on and quit caring about awesomeness that would take too long to rear its shiny little head. And we learned a lesson from this, didn't we? This is not the greatest album in the world. It might not even be a tribute. I'd ask for a refund, but since it's opened, I'd only get an exchange for the same album.
As for the free Dr Pepper, all I can say is, "The coupon is a lie." Darn you, work! I missed an opportunity to get a free drink I probably wouldn't have appreciated as much. Oh, well, there will always be Pepsi.
To which I say, "Fourteen years for THIS? But it's not ready yet!" The big reason why the earlier albums were so great, in terms of awesomeness and selling so many albums, is that it involved everyone originally in the band. You know who I mean. Axl, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and both drummers, Steven Adler and Matt Sorum, both serving at different times. But, unfortunately for all of us, including the members that were forced out, Axl got it into is twisted, bloated head that the band was just about him.
Don't get me wrong. I know their reputation. When the band got together, trouble tagged along. When trouble took over, and the band didn't perform, riots happened like you would not believe. But when that trouble actually got the band to perform, they were awesome.
How the great Axl Rose has fallen. And he didn't even need a shove to do it. A light breeze was suffice. And that light breeze has come to us, the masses, in the form of A Chinese Democracy. It's easy easy for him to fall, with that big bloated head of his, too.
One song that stuck out, and not in a good way, is "Better". Pretty tart, really. But I'm thinking of the ending of the song, where it sounds like someone accidentally bumped the gain knob, and we are treated t the sounds of some kind of static accompanying the music and vocals. And most of the songs can be categorized as either being mediocre at best, or basically forgettable. If you listen to the album as a whole, you get a sort of schizophrenic feeling to it (apologies to schizos, for comparing you to this mess of an album and a man). And much of the music feels old and dated. Perhaps, I dare, more appropriate for a slightly different set of contemporaries that Axl was trying to sell the music to. And what's with the Spanish guitar?
Sounds incomplete for some reason. Like Rose has put in his part of the music, expecting the same product as previous albums. Then again, much of the talent that was the original band was kicked out, with the name having legally remained to Axl. I know there's Buckethead, who is great in his own right, some guy named Bumblefoot, and a few others, but Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven they do not make.
Then there's the issue of Axl's voice. It's not as high-pitched as it used to be. I suppose that all those years of singing, screaming, boozing, and smoking have deteriorated it. I know the original band produced some pretty awesome songs in the past that, if you recite one verse, the next person will feel compelled to sing the next verse. But it's time to face the facts: You spent so many years trying to create your masterpiece, that the rest of the world has picked up and moved on. I could, perhaps, believe that if A Chinese Democracy had been released circa 1997-1998, and possibly as late as 1999, then maybe we, the rest of the world, would have accepted it and said, "That's it, this is your last album. It's been a good run. Next!"
But we moved on and quit caring about awesomeness that would take too long to rear its shiny little head. And we learned a lesson from this, didn't we? This is not the greatest album in the world. It might not even be a tribute. I'd ask for a refund, but since it's opened, I'd only get an exchange for the same album.
As for the free Dr Pepper, all I can say is, "The coupon is a lie." Darn you, work! I missed an opportunity to get a free drink I probably wouldn't have appreciated as much. Oh, well, there will always be Pepsi.
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