A Chinese Democracy Review

Normally, I'd be uploading a submission in regards to my review on Guns N' Roses latest (and I use that term loosely, since their last latest release was a cover album released some fourteen years ago. And Gn'R has used that time to make what the stand-up at Best Buy has claimed to be the most anticipated album in rock history.

To which I say, "Fourteen years for THIS? But it's not ready yet!" The big reason why the earlier albums were so great, in terms of awesomeness and selling so many albums, is that it involved everyone originally in the band. You know who I mean. Axl, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Duff McKagan, and both drummers, Steven Adler and Matt Sorum, both serving at different times. But, unfortunately for all of us, including the members that were forced out, Axl got it into is twisted, bloated head that the band was just about him.

Don't get me wrong. I know their reputation. When the band got together, trouble tagged along. When trouble took over, and the band didn't perform, riots happened like you would not believe. But when that trouble actually got the band to perform, they were awesome.

How the great Axl Rose has fallen. And he didn't even need a shove to do it. A light breeze was suffice. And that light breeze has come to us, the masses, in the form of A Chinese Democracy. It's easy easy for him to fall, with that big bloated head of his, too.

One song that stuck out, and not in a good way, is "Better". Pretty tart, really. But I'm thinking of the ending of the song, where it sounds like someone accidentally bumped the gain knob, and we are treated t the sounds of some kind of static accompanying the music and vocals. And most of the songs can be categorized as either being mediocre at best, or basically forgettable. If you listen to the album as a whole, you get a sort of schizophrenic feeling to it (apologies to schizos, for comparing you to this mess of an album and a man). And much of the music feels old and dated. Perhaps, I dare, more appropriate for a slightly different set of contemporaries that Axl was trying to sell the music to. And what's with the Spanish guitar?

Sounds incomplete for some reason. Like Rose has put in his part of the music, expecting the same product as previous albums. Then again, much of the talent that was the original band was kicked out, with the name having legally remained to Axl. I know there's Buckethead, who is great in his own right, some guy named Bumblefoot, and a few others, but Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven they do not make.

Then there's the issue of Axl's voice. It's not as high-pitched as it used to be. I suppose that all those years of singing, screaming, boozing, and smoking have deteriorated it. I know the original band produced some pretty awesome songs in the past that, if you recite one verse, the next person will feel compelled to sing the next verse. But it's time to face the facts: You spent so many years trying to create your masterpiece, that the rest of the world has picked up and moved on. I could, perhaps, believe that if A Chinese Democracy had been released circa 1997-1998, and possibly as late as 1999, then maybe we, the rest of the world, would have accepted it and said, "That's it, this is your last album. It's been a good run. Next!"

But we moved on and quit caring about awesomeness that would take too long to rear its shiny little head. And we learned a lesson from this, didn't we? This is not the greatest album in the world. It might not even be a tribute. I'd ask for a refund, but since it's opened, I'd only get an exchange for the same album.

As for the free Dr Pepper, all I can say is, "The coupon is a lie." Darn you, work! I missed an opportunity to get a free drink I probably wouldn't have appreciated as much. Oh, well, there will always be Pepsi.